Where to Next?

On Thursday last week, I sat down to my final interviews for Thrive With Less with Matt and Josh. It astounds me the leaps and bounds we have all grown together, to the point where I can look them straight in the eyes and open up about how I am actually feeling. As someone who rarely talks about her emotions, to stare into the eyes of someone else— someone who has the ability to judge and inflict pain— and speak honestly is truly a realization of the effect that this journey has had on me.

The true moment of epiphany came when I was out with my mother shopping this weekend. I feel this is where my shopping binges have derived from. My mother is a wonderful woman, and she will stop at nothing to put my mind at ease and see me smile— so sometimes this involves spending money that doesn’t need to be spent. I can remember one instance when I was in high school and aggravated with some miniscule irritation that seemed so severe (as high school issues often do) that she bought me three new dresses at one store— dresses I only wore one time. I love my mother, and I do not know how I could survive without her, but I think it is finally time to give up on the shopping addict lifestyle. We were out this weekend, and I have a profound love for outrageous lipsticks— so of course my head was buried in a hot pink sales rack. My beautiful mother walked up and offered to purchase two shades I had in my hand. For a moment, I actually contemplated letting her do it. Then I looked up laughing and actually said, “But do I need this?”

I left the store without any bags in my hand.

I am very sad to see our class coming to an end, though our documentary wrapping up in this intricate package with a big impact, but I am looking forward to this ending as simply a beginning. I can confidently say that I will attempt to pursue a more minimal lifestyle as I transcend from Mo Hnatiuk, MSU college student, to Mo Hnatiuk, actual human being — giving up my identity as a consumer, buying more locally, actively taking part in my community, and connecting.. really connecting.. with the world around me.

I have been lucky enough to involve myself with a passionate group of individuals who I will now consider to be life-long friends. How wonderful to have been able to share in such an experience as a senior at Michigan State University. This has been such a stepping off point leading me into the next stage of my life.

Mo’ Passions!

I have been living out my passions so much lately, that I nearly forgot my blog today!

After a full weekend of shooting event photos for the MSU College of Natural Science, I spent my Sunday directing and documenting a fashion shoot, and spent 6 hours last night shooting a series called “The Homemaker,” for my final photography project of my college career.

It’s interesting to see how my mood changes with the amount of time I spend doing things I actually care about. Yes, I have been incredibly busy. Yes, I have been going to bed absolutely exhausted at night. But this morning, I woke up after 3 hours of sleep and was so wired I couldn’t go back to bed.

While at moments, I am overwhelmed by the high-energy, chaotic bustle of my life, because I am filling the time in my days with things that make me happier—things I can show to the world around me that are beautiful and interesting and make an impact— I am at peace in my mind.

I am realizing the importance of the phrase, “I can sleep when I’m dead,” and embracing living out my youth living passionately and creating lasting memories.

“Your reason and your passion are the rudder and the sails of your seafaring soul, if either your sails or your rudder be broken, you can but toss and drift, or else be held at a standstill in mid-seas. For reason, ruling alone, is a force confining; and passion, unattended, is a flame that burns to its own destruction.” - Kahlil Gibran

Potential

Limitations. Boundaries. Restrictions.

These are the things that I have learned to remove from my life since the beginning of this documentary.

These are things that I feel prevent society from thriving.

Telling myself every day that I can achieve whatever it is I set my mind to has really changed the way I perceive my day-to-day activities and the outlook I have on my future.

Realizing that there is so much potential left to my life post-college is also something that has put my mind at ease.

Understanding that each decision I make is truly not life or death, and that I have leaps and bounds to go has prompted me into going about my decisions with ease, doing the things I care about without guilt, and taking each trial in my life as a learning experience, not something that holds me back.

Much like Ryan said when he took a dive into the Red Cedar, no one knows what the future may hold for our documentary, but we’re taking a chance and looking toward its future with no preconceived notions. We are hoping for the best without expectations or fears of failing. We are realizing its potential as we progress as filmmakers and human beings.

And that is a truly wonderful thing.

Slightly irrelevant, but a Phoenix cover I am obsessed with:

Kerouac State of Mind

Working on this documentary has been so essential to my new-found state of happiness. Going into this, I didn’t expect to feel… this. For so long it seemed like I put my true happiness on the back burner as I surrounded myself with things that held little to no essential value for me. As I have begun this journey, I have finally started to understand who I truly am and what brings me ultimate joy.

I took a week vacation to drive down to Panama City Beach, Florida with two of my best friends, and from there I went over to Miami to visit my brother and sister-in-law. The drive down immediately released all of the tension this school year has put on me. Driving into the night, listening to our favorite songs and catching up on the aspects of our lives that are most important to us— it was exactly what I needed.

In Panama, we spent the days lying on the beach laughing, and spent the nights living out our adolescence in full-force. I can’t remember a time I have laughed so much.

Seeing my brother, Ryan, and sister-in-law, Ana, was something I have been needing for a while. They are two of the most important people in my life, and it had been over 5 months since I had last seen them. The days out catching up with Ana— the nights laughing on the balcony with Ryan— man, I have missed them.

I also started reading a new book series over break, and I feel my connection to the characters has actually helped to break down the walls I put up in my actual life.

Coming back to East Lansing, I feel in a better state of mind. This sense of motivation has overcome me and I feel back on track. I’m focusing more on the strong bonds I am building with the people I care about.

I am also on the second day of my juice fast, which has been going fairly well. Day one started off with an apple, cucumber, ginger concoction that turned out so disgusting (though I forced myself to drink it down in order to not waste). Today’s kale, spinach, lemon, and celery was actually not bad. Fingers crossed that I make it all week.

I’m really pleased at the point of my life I’m at right now, and I this group to thank for it. I finally feel ready to graduate college in May and travel into the infinite abyss of life.

Keep Thriving!

Disconnecting materially in order to gain spiritually.

I don’t think I have cared about anything in a long time much the way I care about Thrive With Less. This documentary— this journey both on film and within myself— it’s so important to me. 

I’m incredibly excited to see what my character will bring as I embark in the first month of my minimalist lifestyle. I think the hardest challenge I will face will be sticking to the four shirt minimum. I am.. how do you say.. a compulsive shopper. I spend money in order to feel a certain satisfaction I am lacking in my life. I cannot explain to you the numerous shirts I have in my closet with the tags still intact. It’s disturbing actually— that someone can care so much about material things that it brings them comfort in a way they can’t get anywhere else. I hope that with this detachment from the material world I will again realize what is truly important to me.

I also think that focusing more on my connections with mankind through actual reality  instead of social media is going to illuminate my world for the better. I am constantly preaching “disconnect to reconnect,” but I’d like to emulate it through myself and my personal way of life.

Who knows what this journey will show me? Will I succeed? Will I fail? Will I be a completely new person? Will I stay the same only with a different outlook on life? I cannot say as of yet. What I can say is that I am ready and excited to be a part of something so crucial to my happiness.

Thrive With Less.

Here I go.