It’s All Right, Ma, I’m Only Bleedin’
This past week has probably been the most transcendental of the entire month of February. Just one week ago I felt like I had hit rock bottom with this project. I felt alone—isolated—angry—upset—so many emotions but none of them proud or strong or anything else that one should be feeling as a result of such intense life changes.
I should be proud of the changes I have made to my life. I should feel stronger as a result of the effort I have been making in order to produce a documentary worthwhile and moving. I should not be feeling anywhere near where I felt last week when I brought such a personal subject to light last Tuesday.
What I love about these challenges is that they all somehow bring you back to the same place. A place so natural and simple inside your own mind—reconnecting with yourself and the world around you. It seemed like I had been avoiding myself for a very long time, and last week I was reintroduced. It’s hard when you are face-to-face with your demons—when you are trapped inside your own mind and forced to think about things you have pushed away for so long. It is a struggle and sometimes it leads you to a dark place, but in the end you find that silver lining.
You have to let the wound bleed out. Only after all the poison has left can you begin to rebuild yourself.
This project has given me more time on my own to reflect on these dark moments of my life, that I am now dealing with them head-on, and I feel so much stronger than I have in years. I am rediscovering who I am and what I care about.
I have begun to thrive.
This past week I have begun to fill in the voids of my life with things that give me true joy. I have been doing yoga every morning, which is something I had put aside for the last six months. In the last week I have made three visits to some of my best friends whom I had neglected seeing for this entire year, and we have planned a road trip for next month in order to spend quality time together and free ourselves from the miniscule stresses of our every day lives. I have spent more time catching up on my music and have reconnected with my passion for photography. It has felt like such an eventful week, and I’m only getting started. I already feel like I am getting back to my roots, and I’m excited about feeling like.. this.. again.
I’ve always had a strong connection to Bob Dylan—he is an artist I relate to and care about. His transformation as a musician has inspired me and I find myself continually coming back to his music in order to find strength. Bob Dylan’s name derives from his inspiration by Dylan Thomas. There is a poem which I feel both Bob and I can relate to, and I feel it is fitting for the way I am feeling.
Read by a recording of Dylan Thomas, here is “Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night.”