Reaching a point of Contradiction.
So we’ve said we’re filmmakers pursuing what it looks like to live minimally in an excess-driven culture and discovering the self-realization that such a pursuit brings. I need to say that I’m not first and foremost a filmmaker, yes I’m an artist, but what really drives me is being an active member of my community and embracing and engaging in the lives of those around me. As of late, this project itself has been the one thing that is preventing me from doing just that.
It’s kept me from spending time with my friends, kept me from helping a friend work on his bike, kept me from knowing what’s going on in the lives of my housemates, kept me from reaching out to those that have reached out to me through this project, kept me from enjoying the sun and trees as I bike to class, kept me from my love for playing music, kept me from being present with those I’m with, and ultimately kept me from actively living.
Yes we are producing a documentary, and yes we have a deadline, and yes it takes discipline to succeed in this line of work; but isn’t what we’re fighting for more important than telling others about what we’re fighting for? Why is it that the one thing I’m most excited about right now is keeping me from actually doing what it is I’m excited about? I don’t want to say no to my friends. I don’t want to flake out on offering my assistance to those in need. I don’t want to be sending emails and texts to the production crew and miss out on the relationships I’m surrounded by.
I want to live and be present with those around me and not be always preoccupied with this documentary, a mere film.
We’ve met so many great people through this project and I hate that we’ve only been able to get glimpses into their lives. I hate that we drive up to a house, film an interview and then leave, without hardly having time to talk to each other off camera. That’s so contradictory to everything we’re supposedly fighting for.
As we speak about living with less and finding what we’re passionate about, people have been so encouraging to us. And it’s these people that I want to get to know more. I want to take part in Brendan’s Shitakke Socials. I want to hang out at James’ bike shop. I want to live in intentional community. I want to work on a farm. I want to simply go for walks in the woods and talk with my friends.
So why is it I’m isolating myself over this documentary? When can I stop worrying about all this production and actually thrive with less? In the words of my new friend Brendan: “it’s all happening,” and I feel like I’m missing out on it.
Frustrating as it’s been, I does feel great to know that I’ve been able to work with and meet so many wonderful people throughout this journey. I’m just looking forward to really being able to enjoy those relationships more.
We’re reaching the end of this film, and I hope you’re as excited to get there as I am. And more importantly, I can’t wait to see where this film will take me once it’s completed :)